I was sitting on the cold marble floor of my Humber Bay condo, trembling with hot tears running down my exhausted face.
I heard the doorknob move and as I tried to simultaneously wipe my face and get up to put myself together, I simply could not move.
It was my son, He walked in on me.
I wanted to hide, put on my bravest face but I had not an ounce of strength left in me.
His curious and empathetic 7 years old eyes studied me, I tried to hide my gaze.
“Mama, you are so sad” He whispered.
“No, my love, mama is fine. I am just having a bad day” A line he heard too often, specially that year.
“But Mommy, your soul is very sad. I see it.” As I heard him speak, my soul shook.
He was witnessing my rock bottom,
He saw his mom go from a woman who was driven, enthusiastic and positive.
To crumbling pieces of that…
This is when by the grace of God, I was able to hold him in my arms and explain to him that just like in his book “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” I used to read him; Mama feels like someone put my in a cocoon and it is uncomfortable, but that Mama was slowly finding ways to nibble a hole in the cocoon …. My voice was cracking with pain and despair but every once of my body also had hope to say….”but baby, I promise, Mama is going to be the beautiful butterfly you see at the end of your story and will be free of this cocoon and fly high!”
He got it!
You may be wondering how I got to this moment…but the truth is I created my own cage. I asked for this experience.
I sought love in the wrong hands.
Deep love, the kind I later learned you can only give yourself.
It was 2016, and I had met my soulmate. I was recently divorced from my first husband and was feeling ready to meet the love of my life… But what I met was the biggest lesson of my life.
Desperate for love, I fell fast.
Fell for the words that came out of his mouth and ignored all the red flags…
“We’re all imperfect humans” I would say to myself.
Within 2 months I got pregnant, I hesitated but his excitement for our baby settled my concerns.
My lack of self-love, my deep need to be validated and postpartum were the perfect concoction for breaking the foundation I once had. I decided to sell my assets to buy a house with him.
I went from making great money to barely 2k a month.
Slowly, I started to depend on him more and more. I would hear him say that I needed to step it up and contribute more.
To the world, I had the perfect life, but behind closed doors, it was a cage.
Now you may be wondering… Why am I sharing all this?
Well, because it took me two years and over multiple attempts to leave him before I was able to actually leave.
I had the key to my own freedom, but I had bought into his reality… the one where I am hostage to his mind games.
My soul, if you could have seen it… was broken, filled with shame and without money to fall back on.
My son’s words became the alarm that woke me.
On a cold day of March, I grabbed my 15-month old daughter and my 7 years old son and took off. Moved into a beautiful apartment I didn’t know how I would afford – no furniture. My bestie guided me, and her words made me leap…she was right! I rebuild from there and started thriving more than ever before.
It took losing all I believed I wanted and needed to be happy, to finally become the woman I am today.
Money Mama was born from the pain and fire inside my heart to help women going through the same thing…and then by tremendous amount of self-love, not the kind I could give myself at the beginning. But the kind you learn to receive from those that surround you in your darkest hours. (you know who you are my friends – So grateful from you!!)
I began my journey back to myself, a journey I could not do alone. Were it not for the people that surrounded me, nurtured my heart (my bestie Natalia and Alex my ex-husband), strengthen my body and mind (Shout out to my health coaches, Karim Bennoui and Dr. Erica Grenci) and those that saw my talents and gifts so that I could share with you all that I have built today.
In these 2 years I’ve:
- Defeated mental and physical barriers!
- Made that $$$$!
- Got Penthouse views!
- My kids are thriving!
- Shared my story on multiple platforms
- I have the support of my village!
But the sweetest win of all….
Realizing that all I was seeking was already inside of me, that I did not have to wait for someone else to make all my dreams come true…
That’s why I became Money Mama, because I want all women to have a safe space to come as they are and get the financial tools to do what I did: create my financial future. No matter where you are at, know that your experiences do not define you but rather propel you!
aka Melanie Rousseau xoxo
@moneymamato